‘Friends with benefits’ relationships don’t work out

By Gabie Bacques


Stop sneaking into the closet with your band buddies. You might end up dead. Or worse — pregnant.

Contrary to how Hollywood may portray "friends with benefits," these glamorous relationships just don't work out. In fact, they fail miserably.

Whether it starts as an agreement or results from a rebound, the pattern's typically the same. Two people hook up and decide it was obviously fun and exciting, and they want it to be more than a one night stand. Now, at this point some people agree to not wanting anything more than physical interactions, or they agree to stay friends while hooking up.

This proves to be problematic as time goes on because it never goes according to this carefree plan. Hang-outs and hook-ups are more frequent, and a relationship begins to form without a little thing called commitment.

From here, it becomes apparent that communication can be a destructive force. Someone wants a relationship or expects exclusivity while the other increases distance to avoid those looming feelings, and both are afraid to talk about it. Besides, any relationship spawning from such shallow terms is basically doomed from the start.

Often, at least one of the people involved are scared of being alone. They maintain this destructive, empty cycle of a relationship because, for some reason, they think not having that connection will be so devastatingly lonely they refuse to end it. In the meantime, they are delaying the inevitable, strengthening emotional attachments and ending up far more damaged from someone they allegedly didn't have feelings for.

I'm simply tired of people being upset over this unnecessary drama created by their own self-indulgent habits.

It starts out fun, and somehow ends up in heartbreak. I understand this is college and for some reason people think they need to sleep around to make the most of it, but I really don't see the point in causing more stress. According to the College Student Journal, a little more than half of college students are involved in an uncommitted partnership. Receiving a temporary boost of self-esteem, women tend to seek the friendship, while men reap the benefits.

It may be convenient, but the consequences are not.

It's pretty simple. If two people are spending time being intimate, or even just having sex, something more is going to come of that — it's in our nature. When we produce oxytocin from sexual activity, it generates feelings of security and comfort. The more often two individuals spend producing this hormone together, the more secure and comfortable they feel with each other.

It's becoming so common in our culture to say sex is just something people do and it doesn't have any more depth than that. This is probably true for very few individuals.

However, we need to stop trying to pretend we all want sex and nothing more, because that's not true. We want to be loved, cared for and respected, and anyone who disagrees is selling themselves short.

The realistic consequences of casual sex are an entirely different topic for discussion, but I'm honestly over this trend of beneficial friends. It might be fun for a little while, but then it's just exhausting, difficult and not worth the trouble.

While my personal moral instincts go against using someone like an aspiring actress, I know most people don't feel the same way at this point in their lives. If you do insist on an unconventional relationship, take it like a champ and quit whining to your friends about it.